Amanda’s Letters – February 6, 2024

Hello world! Today is February 6, 2024.

For most of you, this is an uneventful, not particularly memorable date in time. For my family and me, this became the second worst day of our lives.

365 days ago, I got into a car with Dad, Mom, Chrissy (aka Crispy), and monkey. (If you don’t know monkey, he’s the absolute best emotional support animal in the world). I knew that their car ride home would be one person short, and I would not return for many years.

I said goodbye to my childhood bedroom, my phone, my friends, and my life. It was the saddest morning, most chaotic afternoon, and sleepless lonely night I’ve ever experienced. It was the day I faced the biggest demon I’ll ever face in this lifetime. I accepted a plea of seven years which was a blessing in all honesty. But I knew a quarter of my life to be spent in the loneliest, pain filled, drama filled, loud, restless place I can imagine.

In 365 days, I have moved 7 times. I have experienced anger, remorse, guilt, heartache, regret, pain (mental and physical thanks to breaking my thumb playing volleyball heheh,) and loneliness. I have lost a dear friend who I know will be waiting at those heavenly gates for me (RIP Murphy. I miss you SO much.) 

I have gained new friends, who share a perspective on the world that is remarkable, humble, and genuine. I joined a faith-based program where I continue to grow and better myself daily. I have been a guest speaker in three different classes. I have played volleyball for countless hours. I have had approximately 80 visits (which means dad has lost checkers at least 125 times!) I have become a woman who I am proud of. I am calm, patient, selfless, kind, compassionate, slow to anger, not judgmental, a deep thinker, a hard worker, a fantastic volleyball player, a good teammate, a great friend, a pretty cool daughter, a blessed child of God. and a FORGIVEN child of God. How cool is that?

The promise that no matter where you’ve been, what you’ve done, the words you’ve said, the mistakes you’ve made, can all be forgiven and you can be set free and new. The love of our Savior surrounds us in even the most unthinkable places. For me, it is prison. I can honestly say I am so filled with love, joy, and peace. more than I ever have been before. God works in mysterious ways (sometimes ironic ways.)

I am so grateful for all of the love and support on the last post that dad put up on here. 

To my friends who are reading this, I love you. beyond words, without measure, I love you. The select few of you that are here, have been with me every step of the way and I am so thankful. I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused you and I hope you are proud of the person I’m becoming. Thank you for not giving up on this ole girl with a passion for laughter, music, sailboats, paddle boarding, and memories. I miss you guys so much.

To my dad’s friends, thank you for all your kind words, encouragement, love, and prayers. We love you all.

To my parents and bonus mom, I hope you know how sorry I am, and how deep my gratitude runs for you. Mom, you’re my partner in crime (Haha, not funny!) my human diary, my favorite Sunday activity, my best friend. Dad, you are a bulldog, a true go getter, my buddy, my go to, my best friend. (yes, I have two best friends! I’m the luckiest gal alive.) Crispy, you are GLUE. you hold us together and I don’t thank you enough. you are the best thing to happen to dad and I love you so much. Ryan, I miss you. I hope you can be proud to have a sister like me one day. because you’re actually a pretty cool bro. And to who I owe everything, my Heavenly Father. thank you. for another day, another year, another chance. I should have died 655 nights ago. By your grace I’m alive, healthy, loved, humble, and FORGIVEN. 

So today makes 365 days into my prison life, and 655 days of living in purgatory with the utmost remorse. I’d like to invite any of you who have not accepted Jesus into your heart and ask for forgiveness for your sins and for the grace to one day live in Heaven with our Father. 

In your own words, or you can follow along these lines…. Dear Heavenly Father, you know who I am, you know how many hairs are on my head, you know my every thought and feeling and I want to know You. I want to follow you and be a light for the world to see the power of your grace, mercy, and love. I am a sinner, a beautifully flawed human and I am sorry. Please come into my heart and fill me with your presence Lord. Thank you for sending your son to die on that cross, for the chance for my sins to be wiped clean. Thank you for loving me and forgiving me. Amen.

Today I turn 1 year old in this prison world. Happy pday (prison day) to me.

I love you all. 

Amanda