Amanda’s Letters – December 25, 2023

December 25, 2023

Hello everyone, and Merry Christmas from Lowell Correctional Institute Work Camp. 

As you all read this post, hopefully with an open mind, I hope you are all enjoying this wonderful holiday. The news of this post for some of you might come as a surprise, it might bring some bitter or hurt emotions, it might leave you speechless. I hope what it might also do is bring understanding to those of you who have noticed a change of behavior and dynamic in my family.

We all collectively took a huge step back from the social media world while we navigate our new reality. My dad, mom, and I have spent countless hours discussing how to turn this new life of ours into something positive. My true desire in life now is that we can share a message of hope in a seemingly hopeless storm.

If it’s okay with all of you, I’m going to send occasional updates for my dad to post over the next few years. My hope is that I can maybe help just one person. So this first one will be short and sweet (like me:). 

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. for extremely selfish, spoiled reasons. No matter where I was in life, I spent my first 27 Christmas’s at home, opening tons of presents and eating the best food. Growing up in a Christian household, I knew the real meaning behind the day. But I never stopped to really think twice about it. This year, I welcomed Christmas on my knees, beside my bed (B2139S), thanking God for the TRUE meaning of Christmas. Without Christmas, I cannot imagine where I would be.

You see, in my eyes, I have committed the unthinkable, most devastatingly selfish thing I will ever do. And without FORGIVENESS, I can’t imagine where I would be. It’s so easy to say “I forgive you”. It is much harder to live like Jesus and let forgiveness flow freely. One of my biggest struggles for the past 617 days is forgiving myself. But every single day I’m able to give myself a little more forgiveness because of Christ’s forgiveness of me. 

I hope whatever storm you may be facing right now, you are able to be patient, compassionate, gentle, and forgiving with yourself. This is my first Christmas not at home. and I can’t even begin to describe the utter pain I feel inside not for me, but for everything I have put my family through. 

If there’s anything I can ask for this Christmas, and I I promise it’s a short list.

• Please pray for my family as we continue to navigate rough waters.
• Please pray for Jeff Larsen, the man I killed 617 nights ago.
• Please pray for the women I spend every day with. They are human and are some of the most understanding, God fearing people I have ever met.
• Hug your friends and family. tell them you LOVE and appreciate them.
• Life is so, so short. You never know. Remember, the greatest gift of life is TIME.
• And lastly, be kind to people. People fight battles you may know nothing about. I still remember strangers who were kind to me when I had the weight of the world on my shoulders before being sentenced.

It’s kind of funny, in a twisted way, that it took me coming to prison to fully understand the true meaning of Christmas. But you know what they say – God works in mysterious ways. 

Today, and every day, I am filled with gratitude. I am alive, i can walk, read, write, play some competitive volleyball. I have amazing friends. I have the best parents in the world. I have the best brother (Ryan). I have an extra mother (Chrissy aka Crispy). I am Loved by an amazing and forgiving Father in Heaven.

Thank you so much to those who have been praying, and thank you to everyone who has checked in on my parents. I hope you have the best Christmas and I love you all.

Amanda